Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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