Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
