It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
