Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
