Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
