I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
