I faked an abortion last night.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
