strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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