I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Houston, we have a blender
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
