Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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