She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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