does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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