I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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