That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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