we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
my shit smells like andre
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
True strength comes from lack of pants
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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