I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
