apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
