Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Operation Purity has been aborted
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
did i just pee glitter
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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