I need help removing her.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize