For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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