Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
