I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize