i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
