By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
