I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
