I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
