this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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