STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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