just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Dignity is for republicans.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Randomize
