haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Congratulations! We have a period
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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