he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
