That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
