Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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