So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
