That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
