If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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