You're completely useless in the revolution.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
