someone threw a dead crab at me
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
