Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
