It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
