My room smells like vodka and shame
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
