Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
