We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
