Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
