Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
