the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
