Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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