I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
