you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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