i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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