i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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