Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I need to calm my uterus...
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
