He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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