i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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