Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
