1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
people are starting to question the shark bite story
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
