I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize