Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
