the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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