ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
BRING THE BAGELS
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
