Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
