There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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