shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
