her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
