i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
