I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize