On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
