i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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