we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
