If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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