so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
