Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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