just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
