Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
