Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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