smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
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