heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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