She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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