Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
