I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
