Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
