Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
