We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
