So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
