I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
