First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
