My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
My penis needs a shock collar
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
