all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
