Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
