My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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