it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
