i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
